photo by Amber Sellers
My table is cover with beads. I’ve been arranging color combinations over and over again. A lot are good ones, but none are “it.” I am developing a new design for a kit…many ideas to try out but none seem to come together completely. Either I don’t have the right color for a focal bead, or the ones I want to use were chance acquisitions and if I can’t get more of them I won’t be able to make kits of the design. So I start over again.
Finding my husband was like that. I married at 35. Lots of years of searching preceded this. There were many great guy friends, but none that were “him.” After a broken engagement, I finally wrote a list of the qualities I desired in a husband. I had avoided this before because it felt petty. When I had a bit of distance from the breakup, however, I realized that in my haste to be married, I had overlooked situations and character issues that would have caused big problems in the marriage. So maybe writing the list wouldn’t be petty but instead provide some insight when I next explored a friendship with a possible husband. The time I spent writing it was watered with prayer to have wisdom.
The list proved to be vital. I was able to be more objective and keep relationships at “just friends” with some great, but not “him” men. Some of those guys later became friends with my husband and that would have been difficult if they were ex’s. When I started feeling that maybe Jeff was husband quality, I realized that he met all the criteria and then some. I hadn’t put a great singing voice or the other great qualities he has on the list.
My design book is like the list. When I do freeform designs, I usually don’t use it, as freeform is much more intuitive than designs I can actually write instructions for. But for the kits, it also allows me to critique plans before I spend a lot of time on them only to set them aside because they didn’t work. The men I met after the list were kept as friends because I didn’t try to make the friendship into something that it could successfully become.
